Nurses are beauties, but here are a few tips for making them lose their charm and turning them into fire-breathing dragons.
- Repeatedly send your nurse on trips for milk, pillows, sheets and other assorted items but only ask for one thing at a time.
- Push the call button the moment your nurse leaves the room.
- Be completely unaware of your personal medical history or any medications you are taking.
- Reject any diagnosis given because it contradicts with your research done on WebMD.
- If pregnant, ask, “Is this going to hurt my baby?”
- Remind the nurse that “hospital” and “hotel” both start with H-O.
- Come to the hospital seeking care and help, then refuse treatment.
- Happily text your friends and family, but insist your pain is a 10/10.
- Ask the nurse to change the channel while sitting on the remote.
- Always demand the strongest narcotics.
- “Code Brown”… Always. All the time.
- The smaller the injury, the more you should complain. That baby in L&D can deliver itself.
- Condition your children to hate nurses by saying, “If you don’t behave, the nurse will give you a shot!”
- Cause family drama with the nurse present.
- Require more attention than the patient by asking for extra trays, pillows and the remote for the TV.
- Repeatedly suggest what could be wrong with the patient, relying on the valuable training you have received from “House” and “General Hospital.”
- See how many times you can get the nurse to respond, “I can’t give you that information because of HIPAA.”
- Play with the bed controls.
- Upon identifying a nurse, share your medical history and demand/expect answers with a full (and free) diagnosis.
- “You’re too smart to be a nurse.” – say it!